The College Freakout Pt.1

"College Freakout" is a term I coined this year while going through the college application process. It is used in the following way "I'm going through the 'Holy Crap college is expensive' freakout, hbu?"
I'm currently in the middle of a "I didn't apply to enough schools" freakout.
Newsflash: It's March. Pretty much no schools are still accepting applications. I AM going to one of the five schools that I applied to. There's a part of me that knows I'll find happiness wherever I end up (as cheesy as that sounds) and then there's a part of me that is panicking because I feel like I didn't do enough research or go on enough campus tours or write enough application essays.
There's so much change coming up in our lives, graduation, moving away from family, etc. I think that freaking out about college has just become my way of dealing with it. It's also very difficult to come to the realization that after thinking and planning for college for the last few years is finally becoming reality, and there is no more "I should look into that school" because it's done. There are no more chances.
I remember all throughout high school talking to seniors, people who had graduated and even faculty and having them tell me that high school goes by quickly and to make sure that you're taking everything in. Well, I'm a second semester senior, and time seems to be going faster than ever. Spring Break is this month, and then after that Prom, then graduation, the orientation and then all of a sudden, I'm a college student. That's a lot of transition in a very short amount of time, and it's causing me and many students a lot of stress.

all sales final

Panorama taken by me at the local library

The week before finals is upon us. Fondly referred to as "Hell Week" at my school, students spend their time studying, crying, chugging coffee, and driving around looking for a parking spot at the library (aka me for the last 10 minutes). This week is one that is not taken lightly by teachers or students. Projects are assigned and collected, unit tests are taken, and (in some cases) online grades are updated for the first times in months.

The idea of final exams seem just that: final. The word lends itself to panic and thoughts of doom and destruction uncontrollable by the student. I know in my case, finals are when I realize just how important those five point assignments were back in September, or how little of AP Statistics I truly understand. Looking back on my first set of finals my freshman year of High School (I'm currently a senior) I suppose I thought they would only get easier as the semesters went on. Yet here I am, upon what I hope to be my last set of finals in high school, just as panicked as I was in 2012. I feel slightly more prepared, and slightly more anxious, but perhaps that's just the 3 cups of coffee I've had so far today.

Perhaps the most daunting aspect of finals is the idea that you're about to pull together five months of knowledge into one exam, project, or paper, and it's going to count as 1/5 of your semester grade. You have absolutely no control over what happens after you click send, or turn back your Scantron, all thats left to do is refresh the online grade-book compulsively until your pointer finger falls off. I promise it will be okay. Your fingers will not fall off (unless we get another polar vortex then I make no promises) and the world will not end.

Please join me in a toast (of a caramel macchiato) to kick off Hell Week right:

Here's to the late nights and near caffeine overdoses (yes it's possible, please be careful folks!). The endless typing, highlighting, and of course, perpetual fear that you're not good enough.

Cheers!

flat

prepare for ranting and whining commencing in 3...

2...

1...

falling flat. getting steamrolled. waiting in the wings. lost in the shadows.

these are all phrases that I associate with the type of person I am.

[we have lift off]

falling flat

when I feel as if I have completed a task to my self-expectations. did I forget to mention that even though they may be just-right goals for me, they don't even come close to the abilities of my peers that come oh-so-easily to them?

getting steamrolled.

now, I know some pretty passive aggressive people, but I won't name names. okay, I'll name one; jordan. I'm that girl that gets extremely angry or annoyed at someone, see's them the next day and doesn't even mention it. I suppose I've just accepted the idea internally that certain people's thoughts or ideas are above mine and they have a greater right to voice their minds then I do. I really wish I would stop forgetting that I have a voice too.

waiting in the wings.

similar to getting steamrolled. whatever. what happens when two people start talking at the same time? one person usually continues, and the other quietly backs off and listens. I'm not sure I could name a single time (unless I was hopped up on caffeine in which case I will not stop talking for any reason whatsoever) that I didn't back down. this trait gets me in heaps of trouble sometimes. I take longer to form my thoughts, perhaps because I get distracted easily, or have I'm sure a plethora of other psychological instincts that I've developed over time. it seems as though I'm always waiting for someone else to finish, so that I can begin, but sometimes, people never finish.

lost in the shadows.

this year in my spanish class, we examined the idea of having multiple selves. at home, I talk 24/7 am always voicing my opinion, loudly, and engaging in playful arguments with friends and family. in the classroom setting, especially my morning classes which are the same everyday due to a specific program that I'm in, I find it extremely difficult to step out of the shadow and into the spotlight, or microscope as it seems. 

____

I'm not sure what this post was really. I know it doesn't really offer new information, but for me, your blog should be a place to express your thoughts and emotions, and right now, these are my thoughts. I also recognize that there are plenty of people out there with similar thoughts, so please, comment down below how you feel.

fear

• When you're done, read my friend Ruhi's response to this post here!

Ebola. It seems to be a word that is being used almost as much as "like" these days. The fear of getting the disease is almost paralyzing for some, where others joke about it constantly.

A photo of a man protesting flights from affected countries in order to quell spreading of the disease.
via

*Let me also preface this post with the fact that I am absolutely not an expert of any sort and am going off of information from various articles on the web, and from my own personal experience*

The actual disease of Ebola is something to be feared in my opinion. With a survival rate of around 30% and the fact that it ravages your body for two weeks making your internals organs essentially bleed out. It's not exactly a pleasant experience, so I understand the fear that some people have.

One thing I do not understand however, is the constant joking about the disease. I feel like this joking may be a way to cope with the fear, no matter how small or large that fear is, in the back of our mind. It has come to the point where "Ebola!" seems to be the punch line of every joke. This shouldn't be a joke, it should be viewed seriously, although perhaps not with the intense terror that some are currently afflicted with.

I feel like this current outbreak is sort of a humbling experience. The US, or at least many people in the US, like to believe that we have complete control over everything that effects our country and that, come a global issue such as this one, we will be 100% protected because, 'Hey! We're the United States of America!' It's a bit of a control complex if you think about it. When something like Ebola comes upon us [the US], we're often taken by surprise that such a horrible disease could be carried to the States.

Although the US is currently taking steps to prevent the spread of the disease such as equipping the Pentagon with a deployable medical response team, or setting up check-points in major airports through out the country, I feel like there is more that could be done, or that should have been done sooner. But similar to the fact that you simply cannot incarcerate every criminal, we cannot catch every case of Ebola that enters the country before the victim is even suffering symptoms because it's simply impossible.

___

I could go on and on about this for weeks probably, but I'll spare you from that for now.

A great resource for quick info on topics such as Ebola is "The Skimm" available here.
I hope everyone has a safe and healthy weekend!
Jordan